얼마 전 KBS2 TV에서 방영된 <다큐 3일>에는 종로구에 있는 재래시장인 광장시장의 이야기가 나왔습니다. 대형마트의 인기에 밀려 과거 동네마다 하나씩 있었던 재래시장이 하나 둘 자취를 감추고 있는 요즘, 광장시장만은 나름의 명맥을 유지하고 있고 오히려 외국 관광객들의 필수 코스가 될 만큼 인기를 끌고 있다는 내용이었는데요.


아무래도 전통시장은 젊은이보다는 어르신들의 공간이라는 인식이 남아있기 때문에 요즘 세대에겐 생소할지도 모르겠습니다.

 

하지만 광장시장만은 ‘마약김밥’이라는 이곳만의 킬러 콘텐츠가 있기 때문에 블로그나 SNS를 통해서는 유명세를 떨치고 있는데요. 온라인 서포터즈를 하면서 상품으로 받은 온누리 상품권을 써 볼 겸, 명성이 자자한 마약김밥도 먹어볼 겸 광장시장을 한 번 다녀와 보았습니다. 광장시장의 전설은 어떻게 생겨난 것일까요?

 

 

 

<종로 5가역을 나서면 광장시장 입구가 바로 보입니다.>
 

 

<요즘 재래시장은 어디를 가나 지붕이 덮여있어요. 덕분에 비가 와도 편리한 쇼핑을 할 수 있죠.>

 

 

종로 광장시장의 역사는?

 

서울특별시 종로구 예지동 6-1번지 광장시장. 광장시장의 역사는 이렇습니다. 예로부터 현재의 광장시장이 들어선 종로 4가와 예지동 일대에는 ‘배오개 시장’이라는 큰 시장이 있었는데요. 이곳은 조선후기 서울의 3대 시장으로 꼽힐만큼 명성이 높았다고 합니다. 그 후 개화기인 1905년 한성부에서 시장 개설 허가를 낼 당시에는 동대문시장으로 이름을 바꾸었는데요. 그러다 1960년대 이후에는 ‘광장시장’으로 불렸습니다.


원래 이 시장은 청계천의 광교(너른 다리)와 장교(긴 다리) 사이를 복개해 만들려고 했기 때문에 그 다리 이름의 첫머리를 따서 ‘너르고 긴’이라는 뜻의 ‘광장(廣長)’이라 이름지었습니다. 하지만 당시 토목 기술로는 큰 비를 견디지 못해 시장은 배오개로 터를 다시 잡았는데요. 배오개로 이사 온 후에도 이전 이름의 한글 발음은 그대로 둔 채 ‘널리 모아 간직한다’는 뜻을 새로 담아 현재의 ‘광장廣藏시장’이 되었습니다. 흔히들 광장시장의 한자는 광장廣場이라고 알고 계신 분들이 많은데, 실제로는 이런 뜻이 담겨 있었네요.
 

 

 

<구수한 빈대떡과 함께 약주 한 잔 하는 어르신들을 곳곳에서 발견할 수 있습니다.>
 

 

<요즘은 일본인 관광객들이 자주 찾아와 김을 많이 사간다고 하는군요.>

 

 

광장시장을 유명하게 만든 명물, 마약김밥과 빈대떡

 

광장시장을 찾으면 어디서나 볼 수 있는 먹거리 두 가지가 있는데요. 바로 마약김밥과 빈대떡입니다. 특히 마약김밥은 블로그를 통한 입소문으로 유명해 졌는데요. 마치 마약이 들어 있는 것처럼 한 번 먹어보면 자꾸 먹고 싶어져서 그런 이름이 붙었다고 합니다.


실제로 내용물을 보면 단무지와 당근, 시금치 같은 단촐한 구성일 뿐인데요. 어디서 그런 맛이 나는지는 잘 알 수 없지만, 아마 고추냉이를 푼 소스에 찍어 먹기 때문에 자꾸만 입맛이 당기는 것이 아닐까 추측해 봅니다. 마약김밥이 먹고 싶어 일주일에 한 두번 씩은 광장시장을 찾는다는 열성팬도 많이 있어요.


 

그리고 또 하나의 먹거리인 빈대떡. 아마 빈대떡은 어르신들이 술 안주 삼아 먹기 좋아 잘 팔리는 것이 아닐까 합니다. 주로 한복과 같은 옷감을 취급하는 광장시장에는 상인들 간의 왕래도 잦고, 사람을 만나면 식사도 하고 술도 한 잔 하는 것이 우리네 정서 아닐까요? 그러다 보니 요기도 되고, 술도 한잔 곁들일 수 있는 빈대떡이 주메뉴로 자리 잡은 것이 아닌가 싶습니다.
 

 

 

 

 

<광장시장 어디를 가나 구수한 빈대떡 굽는 냄새가 풍깁니다.>
 

 

 

<이곳의 명물 마약김밥, 한 번 먹으면 멈출 수가 없다고 하죠?>
 

 

 

<곳곳에서 마약김밥을 팔고 있네요. 원조가 어디인지는 알 수 없지만 어디라도 맛있습니다.>

 

 

온누리 상품권으로 구입할 수 있어 더욱 좋은 광장시장

 

재래시장인 만큼 이곳에서는 전통시장 상품권인 ‘온누리 상품권’을 사용할 수 있는데요. 최근에는 동네마트에서도 온누리 상품권을 취급하는 경우도 많아 사용범위는 점점 늘어나고 있답니다. 화폐의 기능을 대신하는 온누리 상품권을 내고 사 먹는 빈대떡과 마약김밥은 그 맛도 최고였어요.
 

 

<온누리 상품권을 받는다는 대형 현수막이 보이네요.>
 

 

<돈과 똑 같은 값어치를 하는 온누리 상품권. 행안부 서포터즈를 하면서 친근해 졌어요.>
 

 

<안주 삼아 돼지껍데기, 닭발도 사고>
 

 

<맛난 빈대떡도 삽니다. 위에 있는 작은 빈대떡은 덤이랍니다.>
 

 

<이렇게 광장시장에서의 하루가 저물어 갑니다.>

 

최근 재래시장에서는 지붕도 만들고, 주차시설도 확장하는 등 쇼핑하기 편리한 공간을 만들기 위해 노력하고 있습니다.

 

특히 대형마트와는 달리, 재래시장은 어디까지나 지역 상권이기 때문에 이곳에서 쇼핑을 하면 상인들이 돈을 벌 수 있고, 그렇게 번 돈은 해당 지역에서 재 투자되기 때문에 지역 발전을 위해서라도 꼭 필요하다고 할 수 있죠.

 

요즘은 익히 알려진 명소보다 광장시장과 같은 ‘숨은 명소’가 해외 관광객들에게 인기를 끌고 있다고 하는데요. 이런 식으로 재래시장이 인기를 끌고 새롭게 부활하기를 기대해 봅니다.

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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    2013.01.03 14:32 [ ADDR : EDIT/ DEL : REPLY ]
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  14. I'd like to say I'm amazed at what I have just found out - but sadly I'm not. But it does make me feel both sad and angry.



    For the sum of £295 + VAT I "could" if I wished attend a training course as follows:



    "Photographic Course Overview:



    Not enough images in your wedding portfolio to secure that crucial client? But without that client, how can you build it? We have the answer!



    You need to know your way around your camera (this seminar is not suitable for beginners).



    Two trainers; a stunning location and numerous brides and grooms and pre-wedding couples to model all in one day, http://www.yaoflowers.com/online-florist/jiangshan-flowers-delivery.asp jiangshan flowers! Away from the traditional church setting, we focus on the happy couple both before and on the big day to provide you with a new set of images that will sell themselves! If your wedding portfolio is in need of some attention this is the seminar for you."



    Ok - so here is my issue with this course. The course organisers are looking for attendees who want to book themselves on for exactly the reasons stated - that they don't have enough material of their own to form a portfolio.



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    Don't get me wrong - I'm all in favour of training courses and photographers putting in the effort to realise their full potential - but showing a portfolio of pictures created on a training day and then passing them off as a "real wedding" is just plain wrong. Add to this portfolio one of the sample albums of photographs you can buy from a well-known Italian album manufacturer which are shot by a very accomplished Italian photographer and look amazing and you have a recipe only for disappointment.



    So ladies (& gentlemen of course!) put your mind at rest by doing your homework and viewing at least 2 or 3 complete weddings and albums. Make sure they are of the standard you expect before yo part with your deposit.



    You have been warned!

    2013.01.31 01:48 [ ADDR : EDIT/ DEL : REPLY ]
  15.  

    还 活 着

    襁褓中睡熟的小宝宝,有时静得出奇,我就赶紧用手去探探是否 仍有呼
    吸,先生因此笑我“神经质”。 夜里睡觉时,先生鼾声大作,我无法入
    睡,气煞人也!只好拧他 一把。“唉哟!”只听他笑道:“打鼾有啥不
    好?让你知道我还活着 啊!”



    白 费 心 机

    两年内,有一个青年连续写了七百多封情书给他心爱的女友,结 果他的女
    友终于宣布要结婚了,新郎就是给她送这些信的邮差。



    如 此 凑 巧

    父亲每天晚饭后坐在沙发上看报纸, 四岁的小铃很迷惑地问: “爸爸,
    好奇怪,为什么每天发生的新闻都刚好填满一张报纸呢?”



    水 蜜 桃

    有一天,五岁的小惠望着姑姑的脸说:“姑姑,你的脸好像水蜜 桃哟!”
    姑姑高兴地抱着她左亲右亲,并问:“是怎么象的?”小侄 女天真地回
    答:“上面都有细细的毛。”



    毛 巾 汤

    妈妈正在厨房里用开水烫毛巾消毒,小小跑过来,指着那不断冒 气的锅子
    问:“妈妈,那里面是什么?”“是毛巾啊。”小小迟疑了 一会儿说:
    “我不知道原来毛巾也能煮汤哪!”



    救 爸 爸

    一个小女孩第一次在电话里听到她父亲的声音时,便大哭起来, 她母亲问
    道:“孩子,怎么啦?”“妈妈,”女孩指着听筒说,“我 们怎样才能把
    爸爸从这样小小的洞眼里救出来呢?”



    怎 能 不 哭

    动物园的一头大象死了,管理员在旁边失声痛哭!游客们都说, 他平日一
    定很喜欢这头象,所以不忍大象死去。一位知道内情的人说: “不,按规
    定,他要负责为大象挖个墓坑。”



    相 像

    “这孩子长得跟我一模一样!”大哥得意地对朋友说。 “不要难过,”朋
    友安慰,“小孩丑一点没关系,只要健康活泼 就好了。”



    旱 鸭 子 专 用

    暴发户邀集了许多朋友去参观他的三个游泳池。大家都大愕不解, 问他为
    什么需要三个。他说:“第一个和一般游泳池一样,装的冷水, 用途也和
    一般一样。第二个则是装热水,天气冷时使用。第三个则不 装水。”“那
    不装水成什么游泳池?” “我有一些朋友是旱鸭子,他们不宜用冷、热水
    游泳池,所以特 地为他们建造了这个。”



    魏 什 么

    有一德国人酷爱中国文化,取名魏特茂,一日遇一老翁,两人寒 暄起来,
    老翁:“您贵姓?”“我姓魏。” “魏什么?”“为什么?难道姓魏也要
    讲原因吗?”



    第 八 十 三

    报童在广场上大声叫卖报纸:“惊人的诈骗巨案,受骗者已达八 十二人.
    ....。”一个人连忙走过去买了一份报纸,但是看来看去也 没有发现那条
    “巨案”的消息。这时,报童又在大声叫卖:“卖报, 卖报,惊人的诈骗
    巨案,受骗者已达八十三人!”



    别 有 用 意

    女病人:医生,你叫我把舌头伸出来,怎么你又不看呢? 医生:我不是要
    看你的舌头,我叫你把舌头伸出来,只是要你在 我开药方的时候安静些。



    忙 中 出 错

    董事长为参加宴会,在公司门口急急忙忙地跳上一部的士,同时 大声说:
    “我要赶时间,开快点!只剩下二十分钟了!”说完便打开 手上的晚报来
    看。一直看了十几分钟,他才抬起头来,一看,车子还 在公司门口,他大
    为生气,正要找司机发火时,才发现车上根本没在 司机。



    糊 涂 教 授

    “教授,听说尊夫人生了双胞胎。是男的,还是女的?” “让我想想看。
    好象一个是女的,另一个是男的。不过又好象是 正好相反。”



    幸 好 没 有

    房客:楼上那些人真是莫名其妙,昨晚半夜两点钟时,乒乒乓乓 地冲下楼
    梯,疯狂似地敲我的房门。 房东:真的吗?他们把你吵醒了吗? 房客:
    幸好没有。当时我正在练习吹喇叭。



    技 术 惊 人

    妻:我的驾驶技术已经十分惊人了! 夫:才学了几天就有这样的成绩吗?
    妻:当我开车时,路人都要纷纷逃避!



    何 不 早 说

    贼师父埋怨徒弟说:“你可真称得上是个白痴!我们费了整夜时 间才打开
    所有的保险箱,可是里面全是空的。到现在你才告诉我-这 是一家制造保
    险箱的工厂!”



    乘 电 梯

    阿肥由于嗜食,以致身宽体胖。每次上下电梯,别人只要见他在 内,必定
    要等下一班。有一次他向大伙抱怨:“为什么要这样伤害我 呢?跟我乘电
    梯有什么不好呢?只不过上来时慢一些,下去时快一点 罢了。”



    高 兴 太 早

    一男青年将被征入伍,军队医院眼科医生给他做视力检查,青年 边接受检
    查边表白自己是个近视眼。检查完毕,大夫说:“是的,你 说得对,是近
    视眼。”青年听到这句话非常高兴。“尊敬的大夫,那 么我可以免服兵役
    了?”大夫摇摇头说:“不......我写上了可参加 肉搏战。”



    腿 与 蛋

    农场中一只猪与一只母鸡在谈慈善。猪说:“我很想有一个方法 能帮助那
    些没有饭吃的穷人。”鸡说:“我们来合作,可以做一个火 腿蛋来给他们
    吃。”猪摇头说:“你说得倒容易。你只是贡献一个副 产品,而我却要不
    见了一条腿。”



    追 车 的 人

    在一辆载满旅客的公共汽车后面,一个个子矮小的人在拼命奔跑 着,但汽
    车却仍在下坡路上高速前进。“停下吧,”一位乘客的头伸 出了窗子,冲
    小个子喊道:“您追不上它的!”“不行,我必须追上。 ”小个子气喘吁
    吁,“我是司机!”



    有 备 无 恐

    81岁的老父从香港到加拿大看儿子。他虽然年纪老迈,但精力 充沛,每
    天都要出去散步。由于他不会说英语,无法问路,因此他儿 子担心他会迷
    途。有天下午,他散步特别久,回家后,儿子迎上去问 他有没有遇到麻
    烦。老人含笑说:“别担心,我有备无恐,早抄下了 这条街的街名。”说
    罢从裤袋里掏出一张纸,神气地给儿子看。上面 原来写着:“NOEXI
    T(此路不通)。”



    倒 霉 的 病 人

    有一个牙科医生,第一次给病人拨牙,非常紧张。他刚把臼齿拨 下来,不
    料手一抖,没有夹住,于是,牙齿掉进了病人的喉咙。“非 常抱歉。”医
    生说,“你的病已不在我的职责范围内,你应该去找喉 科医生。当这个病
    人找到喉科医生时,他的牙齿掉得更深了,喉科医 生给他做了检查。“非
    常抱歉”,医生说,“你的病已不在我的职责 范围内,你应该去找胃病专
    家。”胃病专家用X光为病人检查后说: “非常抱歉,牙齿已掉到你的肠
    子里了,你应该去找肠病专家。”肠 病专家同样做了X光检查后说:“非
    常抱歉,牙齿已不在肠子里,它 肯定掉到更深的地方了,你应该去找肛门
    科专家。”最后,病人趴在 肛门科医生的检查台上,摆出一个屁股朝天的
    姿势,医生用内窥镜检 查了一番,然后吃惊地叫到:“啊,天啊!你的这
    里长了颗牙齿,应 该去找牙科医生。”



    没 空

    “你怎么一天到晚老是玩?” “晚上光睡觉,没空玩嘛!”



    口 快 心 直

    我们5岁大的儿子迷上了摩托车,一见就情不自禁地高喊:“看 哪!将来
    我一定要有一辆!”我的回答永远是:“只要我活着就不行。 ”一天,儿
    子正跟小朋友谈话,一辆摩托车我驰而过。他兴奋地指着 大叫:“看哪!
    看哪!我要买一辆--等我爸爸一死我就买!”



    残 酷 人 生

    两个人在餐馆吃饭,桌上放着一杯热芥末。其中一个认为芥末是 甜的,于
    是舀了满满一勺放进嘴里,立即泪如泉涌。不过,他紧闭嘴 巴,没说一句
    话。他的朋友迷惑不解:“怎么?”“我想起了我父亲, 就在20年前的
    今天,他上吊了。” 他的朋友安慰了他一番,也舀了满满一勺芥末放进嘴
    里,骤然, 泪水如流。第一位佯装地问:“怎么你也哭了?”“我在想你
    父亲上 吊的时候,你为什么不上吊?”第二个答道。



    学 习 母 鸡

    妈妈:“小明,你吃糖为什么不分给小妹妹吃?你看老母鸡找到 小虫,统
    统给小鸡吃,你该学习母鸡呀!” 小明:“好吧。如果我找到小虫,也统
    统给小妹妹吃好了。”



    躲 蛇 妙 法

    父亲:“阿光,碰到眼镜蛇时,该怎么办?” 阿光:“先把它的眼镜打破
    再逃走。”



    专 家 本 色

    修理工应召去医生家修理电视机,发现他那架电视机用了十年, 已经破旧
    不堪了,医生用幽默的口吻说:“你开个处方吧。”修理工 对着电视机默
    默看了一阵,然后回答:“我看只能写验尸报告去。”



    未 出 过 国

    医生:“你小孩患的是德国麻疹。” 母亲:“怎么可能?他从来未出过国
    啊!”



    被 冷 落 的 顾 客

    老王在餐厅坐了很久,看到别的客人吃得津津有味,只有他仍无 侍者来招
    呼,便起身问老板:“对不起,请问--我是不是坐到观众 席了?”



    广 告 费

    有一妇人到报馆的广告部, 要登一段讣文, 她说丈夫刚死了。 “你要登
    哪一种讣文呢?”广告员问。“随便好了。”妇人红着眼睛 答。“那么就
    刊在第五版吧。”广告员建议说:“我们是按寸收费的, 每寸5元。”
    “天呀,那岂不是要化费一大笔钱?”妇人吃惊地说, “我的丈夫有6尺
    5寸长啊!”



    客 气 的 马

    --昨天你骑马骑得怎样? --不太坏。问题是我那匹马太客气了。 -
    -太客气了? --是呀。当骑到一道篱笆时,它让我先过去了!



    形 象 比 喻

    我的两个女儿常取笑她们的爷爷是个老顽固,而他却竭力否认。 一天,爷
    爷跟她们讲他在山里的一次骑马旅行,他说:“导游认为马 的性格应和骑
    马的人一致,并把我们作了很仔细的搭配。”“你骑的 马是什么样?”一
    个女儿插嘴道。爷爷极其勉强地回答:“给了我一 头骡子。”



    愿 望

    青年问一老者:“您已年近古稀,年轻时候的愿望都实现了吗?” 老者:
    “年轻的时候,父亲责备我时总揪我的头发,当时我想,要是 没有头发就
    好了。”“今天,这个愿望算是实现了。”



    不 得 要 领

    “救火!救火!”电话里传来了紧急而恐慌的呼救声。 “在哪里?”消防
    队急救部门的接话员问。 “在我家。” “我是说失火的地点在哪里?”
    “在厨房!” “我知道,可是我们该怎样去你家嘛?!” “噢!难道你
    们没有救火车吗?!”



    防 不 胜 防

    --你的脸色不太好。 --是啊,我老婆夜里根本不让我睡觉。稍有动
    静,她就惊叫起来, 以为是贼来了。 --小偷行窃是不会出声的。 --
    我也是这么对她说的,可那更糟了。 --怎么了? --从此,她夜里听
    不到声音,就把我叫醒。



    组 装

    妈妈怀孕了,四岁的小宝百思不得其解,他想知道,未来的弟弟 或妹妹是
    如何生出来的。爸爸耐心地给小宝描绘道:“先生出头,再 生出身子,最
    后是两条腿,懂了吗?” “懂了,爸爸。然后你用螺丝把它们组装起来,
    对吧!”



    勇敢的消防队

    油井失火,公司经理叫来了消防队,可是由于火势太大,消防队 员无法靠
    近,只能在两千英尺以外活动。公司管理员请的一支业余消 防队这时也赶
    来了,消防车突突突突勇敢地一直开到离大火只有五十 英尺的地方才停
    下,消防队员迅速抓起水枪,动手救火,很快就把火 扑灭了。 第二天公
    司经理给这支业余消防队发了两千元奖金。有人问那队 长,两千元如何安
    排?队长不加思索地回答说:“首先要办的是把消 防车的刹车修好。真他
    妈的见鬼,昨天差点把我们送到火里去了!”



    精 神 对 抗

    --您瞧,昨天公共汽车司机盯着我看,仿佛我没买票。 --那您怎么
    办? --很简单,我也盯着他看,就象我买了票似的。



    妙 计

    陆先生造房子,有一大堆碎砖要运走,工人说要两辆卡车。陆先生对工人
    说:“不必花运费了!你在空地上掘个坑,埋了它罢。”工 人:“那么,
    挖出来的泥放到哪里去呢?”“你真笨,把坑挖深一点, 一起埋下去不就
    行了。”



    淡 得 有 味

    父亲生日前一天,我去订做一个大蛋糕,由于父亲不能吃太甜的 东西,所
    以我嘱咐老板糖不要放得太多,稍微淡些。那老板顺手在纸 上记着:“父
    亲生日稍淡。”第二天,我去取蛋糕。打开一看,可真是让人啼笑皆非。
    原来蛋糕上的字样是:“祝父亲大人生日快乐,稍淡敬上”。



    削 蹄 割 尾

    有一天申先生写信给他的朋友熊先生。一时,疏忽把“熊”字下 面四点忘
    了,写成“能先生。”熊先生一看;又气又恼,提起笔来写 了一封回信,
    故意把申先生误写成“由先生”,还说:“你削掉了我 的四个蹄子,我也
    要割掉你的尾巴。



    有 为 青 年

    ──我可以算是从基层干起,一直爬到顶峰的青年。
    ──真了不起,你是干什么的呢?
    ──以前擦皮鞋,现在是理发师。



    高 贵

    ──从今以后,我的身价要比以前高贵了。
    ──升官了吗?
    ──不,你看,我镶了三颗金牙。



    油 彩 未 干

    画家把他几幅精美的油画雇用货车运到展览会场去。他特别叮咛 司机:
    “小心点!画上的油彩还没干透。”司机说:“没关系,我穿 的都是旧衣
    服。”



    一 看 便 知

    一个寡妇要把亡夫的一帧遗照拿去放大,她走进照相馆,对老板 说:“我
    要放大这张相片,不过当你放大的时候,我希望你能顺便把 他戴的那顶讨
    厌的帽子去掉。” “好的,太太”照相馆老板说,“不过请你告诉我,他
    的头发是朝哪一边分呢?”“这个我倒不太记得了,”寡妇回答,“可是
    反正你拿掉他的帽子一看不就知道了。”



    “防 盗”

    一位老太太说:“过去我总是把黄金藏在床垫下面,人家告诉我 那个地方
    最不安全。现在我把它们放在箱子里了。” “你难道不怕忘记放在哪个箱
    子里吗?”有位邻居问她, http://www.csnthunder.com/ Thunder home Jersey。 “不怕”她回答,“我在床垫下边放了一张字
    条‘黄金放在黑皮 箱子里’。”



    希 罕

    盼子心切的包氏夫妇喜获麟儿,他们用尽心思,要为儿子取个出 众的名
    字,最后决定叫他做“希罕”。希罕的童年很幸福,但他讨厌 这个名字,
    后来长大成人、结婚生子、事业非常成功,还是讨厌他的 名字,最后年老
    卧病,垂危时他央求妻子道:“请你千万别把‘希罕’ 两字刻在墓牌上,
    就叫我包氏好了。” 他死后,妻子按照他的遗愿没有把他的名字刻在碑
    上,可是只刻 “包氏”二字好象过于简单,她想让人知道他是个多么好的
    丈夫,于 是在“包氏”之下刻了两行小字:他结婚以后,从来未看过别的
    女人 一眼。 现在,不论谁经过他的墓前,都会说一声:“希罕!”

    2013.02.02 00:26 [ ADDR : EDIT/ DEL : REPLY ]
  16. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++





    宁静的心态是一种境界,告诉你一个调节情绪的好方法:买一个西瓜,你可以拿刀捅它砍它还可以发泄地大声吼:我杀瓜!我杀瓜!

    一位禅学大师有一个老是爱抱怨的弟子。有一天,大师派这个弟子去集市买了一袋盐。弟子回来后,大师吩咐他抓一把盐放入一杯水中,然后喝一口。
        “味道如何?”大师问道。
        “咸得发苦。”弟子皱着眉头答道。
      
        随后,大师又带着弟子来到湖边,吩咐他把剩下的盐撒进湖里,然后说道:“再尝尝湖水。”
        弟子弯腰捧起湖水尝了尝。
        大师问道:“什么味道?”
      
        “纯净甜美。”弟子答道。
        “尝到咸味了吗?”大师又问。
        “没有。”弟子答道。
      
        大师点了点头,微笑着对弟子说道:“生命中的痛苦是盐,它的咸淡取决于盛它的容器。”

     女教师在黑板上画了一个苹果,然后提问:“孩子们,这是什么呀?”孩子们异口同声地回答:“屁股!”女教师哭着跑出教室,找校长告状:“孩子们嘲笑人。”校长走进教室,表情严肃地说:“你们怎么把老师气哭了?啊!还在黑板上画了个屁股!”

     我喜欢邓丽君死掉了,
      我喜欢翁美玲自杀了,
      我喜欢陈百强,病故了;
      我喜欢黄家驹,摔死了;
      我喜欢张国荣跳楼了,
      我喜欢你,你自己看着办吧!

    听说你在超市遇到奇事,结帐时无意将手放到扫描仪上,
      收款机立刻显示: 猪蹄 3.8元
      你纳闷,低头看究竟,
      收款机显示: 猪头 2.5元

      黄教授在某女校课堂上大发雷霆:“我在上面累得半死,而你们却在下面一动也不动。我前後已经付出这麽多了,你们到底有没有吸收到什麽东西啊?”女学生们面面相觑!

    大伟一日上街擦破鞋,擦鞋的是个女的。将低头看女子的乳房,女子问他在看什么,他说:“桃花盛开的地方。”女子突然站起来,叉开双腿说: “这里还有生你养你的地方呢!”

     小孩把妓院养的鹦鹉偷回家.一进门鹦鹉便叫:搬家啦!看见他妈妈又叫:老板也换了!看见他姐姐有叫.小姐也换了!看见他爸爸又叫:我操还是老客户!

    今天吃完饭,在校园里找了个长椅打了个盹,醒来居然发现饭盒里多了几毛钱。

    一个五岁的男孩吻了一个四岁的小女孩,事后,小女孩问男孩:你会对我认真吗?男孩说:放心,我们都不是3岁小孩子了。

     我决定把所有存款换成钢蹦,足足有三百多枚,没事拿着玩,还可以晃荡着听响,你若敢惹我,我就用钢蹦砸你,砸得你满头是苞!让你知道有钱人的厉害!

     有一个知己,相交甚深,但无缘成为眷侣,只是偶尔在电话里纠缠,
      说些不 相干的事、不相干的人,心知肚明的感情,云淡风清。    
      
      有一个朋友,是亲密搭档,相互理解与信赖,而且惺惺相惜,业务与工作之 余,心生赞叹,但无从表达。    
      
      有一个网友,只通过电话,但心有灵犀,语言传递相知相解,在午夜相逢的 快乐里,却只能思念,相聚在梦中。    
      
      有一种爱,我们不能称之为爱情。虽然有同样的心动,同样的怀想,同样乍然相见的喜悦、依依不舍的眷恋,但尘世间总有一种约束,让心思沉静,让感情不再漂泊,发乎情,只能止乎礼。但依然可以在阳光下享受难得的温情,依然可以在午夜梦回时心生柔情,依然可以相信自己的完美与可爱……在这些温柔的情愫里,依然,可以感受被爱。      
      
      我们的世界,毕竟不仅仅有爱情。在岁月漫长的脚步里,我们更多对水色山 光的眷恋。红玫瑰只有一朵,燃烧此生唯一的心情,而更多时候,空气与水都是 恩赐,让我们享受生活。    
      
      有一种真情,可以平静的相忘于江湖。君子之交,亦或萍水相逢,都可以默 默的爱,默默的理解,默默在心里装满祝福,挥一挥手,让春草连绵,落红成阵。    
      
      有很多爱,我们不能用世俗的方式承担,也不过聚散随缘,风雨由天,金风 玉露,胜却人间无数。    
      
      就是有这样的感情啊,飘荡成缠绵而温暖的空气,就是在这样无心的眷恋 里,我们认识自己也认识世间,就是有这样无缘而有情的瞬间。让我们轻轻地叹 息,深深地爱恋,生命中白白的云,蓝蓝的天。    
      
      虽然我们相爱,但我们,不称之为爱情。 

    老师爆笑语录

    1.男同学站在我左边,女同学站在我右边,其他人原地不动...结果就他没动。

      2.有一天外面下大雨,老师满脸雨水的走进教室,在讲桌前不知道找着什么东西,找了一会就问前排的同学:“我擦纸的脸呢?”

      3.线段a是线段b的一半,那线段b是线段a的多少呢?(全班皆静,候高论,半晌后)线段b就是线段a的两半。(晕)

      4.初中,某数学老师讲方程式变换,在讲台上袖子一挽大声喝道:同学们注意!我要变形了!……

      5.一同学在下面闹,我们老师说:“你给我站到黑板上面去!!”高难度啊。

      6.我初中老师讲题目喜欢用投身其中……“我的底面半径是20cm,我的高是50cm,那么我……”下面有人说“是饭桶……”全班爆笑……

      7.初中英语老师是个秃子,一天上课,他问一个同学:“what day is today?’(我的头是秃头?)同学想了一下,回答:“yes.”

      8.高三数学摸底一男生问:老师,画图没有铅笔,是借一支还是用钢笔?老师(老年妇女)答:随你的大小便吧。

      9.高中的代数老师:“说话不许出声音。”

      10.高中一化学老师兼教导主任做题时故意做错,然后让某同学找出其中的错误。该同学艰难的答出之后,老师赞许而很严肃地说:“很好,你看出了老师的破腚(绽)。”众皆木然,下课后,老师刚走出去,全班哄堂大笑。

      11.某日,我们高中数学老师跟我们讲函数周期表时,讲到“周期”二字时激动地走下讲台,对着全班同学说:“你们还不了解周期啊,真的是猪都比你们聪明些。”然后他指着第一排的一个女生说:“你知道什么是周期吗?你跟他们解释一下。”全班均晕倒。

      12.我们初中时候规定升国旗时候要穿校服,结果总有一些人没有穿校服或者是单只穿裤子或者是衣服。然后每次升旗之前校长都拿着一个扩音喇叭在那里说:“有的同学不穿衣服,有的同学不穿裤子,有的就干脆衣服裤子都不穿”

      13.语文老师教赤壁的课文,说起曹兵在华容道互相践踏,感慨道:人流是可怕的……

      14.某天上数学偶看到偶们数学老师牙上有片绿叶子(老师中午估计是吃韭菜馅的饺子了)过了一会发现叶子没了………下课的时候发现在我们班某女生的脖子上……

      15.初中语文课的女老师刚从师大毕业,什么都好,就是喜欢突击式地抽同学上黑板默写名词解释。方法是,老师口述某个词,同学默写,并加解释。记得有一次,抽到一个不爱听讲的男生。老师一遍一遍地重复念“间或”,那男生抓着头皮在黑板前熬了好几分钟,突然刷刷刷地写下:贱货:下流呸,不是好东西。全班暴笑,女老师气得面红耳赤,一句话都讲不出。
    计算机吹牛
    1、我的cpu是我用一个电容一个电容焊接起来的!好大一砣啊……哈哈哈!
    2、楼上的很厉害,可怜我昨天费了一个晚上的工夫才用小刀在我的硬盘上刻了一个操作系统,我要向大家学习啊!  3、吹吧,吹牛不上税……我昨天把我家的那台老式电视拆了,七拼八凑变成了一块gf4ti4800的显卡,赚了……
    4、这算什么,刚才我边吃苹果边上网,忽然就死机了,重启一下就发现操作系统就变成了mac os。    
    5、昨天闲着没事,看着自己的显示器烦,随便找了块碎玻璃,几张马粪纸,又拆了一个收音机,组装了台液晶显示器,凑合用了。
    6、我刚把我56k猫超频了,结果,我一上网,我家小区那一片的所有电话全部占线。
    7、我说点老的事情吧,那是我刚上大学的时候,大家都用286,显示器也是单显,硬盘就更小的可怜了。我一想,这样不行,于是拆了个彩电的显示屏装在显示器上,单显变彩显了。偶后来嫌硬盘小,于是回收了一千张5英寸软盘,把里面的芯全部拿出来,粘在了一起,于是一个1g多的硬盘就出来了。
    8、我穷,买不起计算机,现在只能拿这个5块钱买的计算器改成计算机上网。缺点是屏幕小,但是原来的计算器是太阳能的,我保留了这个功能。穷啊,将就吧。
    9、各位真是强人啊。我只是把电视遥控加了个带摄象头当新款手机凑合着用。
    10这里的帖子实在太大,每次打开都快死机。看来内存不足。虽然现在内存便宜,但是我穷啊,还只用128m的。我琢磨了半天,发现一个好办法,我把内存反过来插,嘿。嘀的一声自检通过,内存变成了821m的啦。
    11、我今天下午好不容易抓住一只老鼠,注入芯片把他弄成了一只鼠标。
    12、家里上网速度太慢了!我从旧货堆里找了些废弃的电线做了一条千兆单模光揽和计算机直接连起来!现在40集的电视剧一秒就搞定了!
    13、花六块钱买了两个门铃加了三合板,插上一用,真好,门铃变成了木质音箱,少了100多----
    14、昨天我把自己的猫超了一下频,今天早上起来发现我们这个社区的耗子全没有了
    15、前几天去南极抓了只企鹅硬塞进显示器里面就开始聊天了 ,可那只企鹅经常咳嗽,我怀疑得了非典~~~
    16、看到了一个美女,我打破显示屏,一下把她给拽了出来
    17、我把她拽出来,正准备xx,结果病毒突然发作,她变成了男的####shit
    18、靠,那天把三星550s在线升级成三星液晶显示屏,觉得动态显示老有问题,想卸载了重装发现没有卸载程序。
    19、人家现在做cpu哪有用烙铁焊的呢,都是用浓鼻涕粘起来的,没有鼻炎的根本就做不了。
    20、最近机器老是死机,打开机箱一看,哇靠,散热片都快化了。于是俺情急之下,把俺家老电风扇上的马达拆下来安了上去。通电一看,嘿嘿,转的真快,测了一下转速,50万转/秒。温度才零点五度。呵呵。这回可不用担心了!
    21、我家的modem坏了,于是就把我家花花塞到一个盒子里插根电话线上网,一拨号就是喵喵喵的响,而且不用电,每天往盒子里塞条鱼就行。
    22、俺是编程序的,前一段硬盘空间告急,俺编了个tamrof.exe,把15g的硬盘愣给格成51g了。可惜适用面不广,没法卖钱。那位要源代码,六个信箱就成。
    23、我从来就不用杀毒软件,我的网卡是放在醋里面的。
    24、我办公的地方在30楼。有一次老板见我上班时间在玩cs,他一气之下就抱起我的彩显,从窗外扔来下去。可把我吓坏了,我赶紧冲下楼去。坐电梯是来不及了,只好走楼梯。我拼命往下跑,跑得累死了,但我依然没有放弃。我一跑到一楼,马上冲出楼去。幸好,我冲到的时候那个彩显刚好掉下来,我顺手一接就抱回去了。这样才避免了那个彩显砸到小朋友或者花花草草。
    25、我家是开网吧d。,总是断线。后来把俺断烦了。直接在电线杆子上拉了几根电话线,抓了几只野猫,捆在一起。没想到成t1了。速度绝对够快。唯一的麻烦是费猫食。
    26、话说前几年我坐飞机,刚飞到日本上空肚子疼,就上了趟厕所,谁知到达目的地之后,就听说日本被扔了两颗原子弹。
    27、有一次公司派我去美国的ibm总部,向他们定购一台超级计算机。谈成以后,那个两吨重的计算机可把我愁死了。怎么办?公司的预算已经差不多了,但空运的费用确实不低。总不能海运吧,那样时间来不及。我想啊想,忽然想到一个好法子。原来我来美国的时候,还带了一只鸽子。现在不是刚好派得上用场吗?于是我就将那个计算机绑在了鸽子的脚上,然后放飞它。三天以后,那只鸽子成功将这台两吨重的计算机从美国运到了广州。
    28、我叔叔是警察局长。最近他们破了一个特大国际贩毒集团。这个贩毒集团已经将贩毒自动化、网络化了。你猜他们用什么输送毒品?是用qq的传送功能!看来犯罪分子确实已经学会用网络犯罪了。
    29、看了这么多条,我觉得大家都吹得没劲,只有上面一位贴的那个女孩子图不错,有劲!话音未落,那女孩就从屏幕钻出来亲了我一下。还说了一句一点不吹牛的话:你好帅,我就喜欢你这类型的,幽默。她的话还没说完,上面所有发过言的你们都变成美女了,每人亲我一下,几乎都是同样的台词:别跟我抢,这个帅哥我要!
    30、今天不知道怎么了,看见我那15寸的老ctr就烦,这不,上着上着又红屏了!我心里一急,一把将它扔楼下去了,听着声还挺脆的,我一下又慌了,赶忙下去看看,嘿!你猜怎么着?y摔下来后扁了!成17寸的了!!仔细一检查没事!我把它捧回6楼,接上pc插上电源----当一17寸的液晶用!!倍儿爽
    31、现在上网太不方便了, 因为没有鼠标  
      要知道, 我家的老公猫看上我的鼠标了, 不光夜里炒得我睡不好觉,还给搞出事情来了,生出来一个猫头鼠尾巴的东西出来,知道了,给没收了,从此再也不允许我养猫, 和用鼠标。
    32、我的光驱不太好用,读盘太慢,一气之下,把光驱拆下来扔一边,把我宿舍那台超强纠错vcd给接到电脑上,读盘速度超级快。各位不信可以试试。
    33、网友要我照片,我家穷没有扫描仪的,我只好拿出我的一目十行的功夫了,全社区的上万张照片一会我就用眼睛扫完了,发给网友叫他看个够,累死他!!!!看他还敢不敢要我照片。
    34、新买的硬盘让我在路上给摔了一下,捡起来就听见里面沙沙做响,估计里面已经摔碎了,拿回家硬盘果然不能用。没办法,挂在别人的电脑上进行碎片整理,现在用起来马马乎乎,问题不大。
    35、听说奔腾8处理器已经出来了,是我用两块奔腾4粘在一起搞出来的,已经申请了专利了!
    36、我同学要看我电脑里四十集的《天龙八部》,我带上我的硬盘找了我开压路机的二叔,喊他给我压压。回家挂上一看:1.4mb,正好一张软盘拷给他了!
    37、刚才点开这个帖子,死机了~从新启动都不行,我怀疑是硬件的毛病,拆开机箱一看,**!我的机箱里有不下100头牛!各位楼上的大哥大姐,别吹啦,俺家养不起这100头牛啊!要不明天我受累,再给你们吹回这个帖子里?


    求婚奥斯卡

    1.最佳露骨奖:让我们合法地结合吧!

    2.最佳好奇奖:我不知道人类为什么得结婚?!不如让我们一起研究看看吧!

    3.最佳直接奖:让我葬在你们家祖坟吧!

    4.最佳直销奖:你愿不愿意带我回家当你的生活必需品?

    5.最佳柔情奖:喜欢,就是淡淡的爱。爱,就是深深的喜欢。我希望以后可以不用送你回家,而是我们一起回我们的家。

    6.最佳变态奖:哦,看你骂我时,似乎有很大的快感!如果你想天天享受这种感觉,就嫁给 我吧!

    7.最佳特技奖:你愿意嫁给我吗?如果愿意请站着举高双手,如果不愿意,请站着举高双腿。

    8.最佳cool man奖:我欠一个人管我。

    9.最佳信徒奖:你想这辈子嫁给我还是下辈子呢?

    10.最佳创意奖:什么时候才要把我娶回家?我房间的东西都快全搬到你家去了.

    11.最佳保健奖:今年你再不娶我,明年我就开始有恐婚症喽!

    12.最佳告解奖:请你终结我的桃花运吧!

    13.最佳战俘奖:求饶,我投降了!只要你天天给我口饭吃。

    14.最佳影迷奖:甜心,帮我签个名吧。(签在户口簿的配偶栏)
    亲爱的老婆大人:

      遵照您的旨意,我在书房里反省了一个小时四十三分零七秒,喝了一杯白开水,上了一次卫生间,没有抽烟,以上事实准确无误,请审查。附上我的检讨报告,不当之处可以协商。经过三个月的婚姻生活,我认为老婆同志温柔贤良,勤奋聪颖,是不可多得的好妻子,而身为丈夫的我却举止乖张,态度轻狂,所作所为确有值得商榷之处。以下是我对自己恶劣行径的剖析,请领导批阅:

      1.昨天的事情是我不对。你做的红烧茄子虽然有点咸,但是香醇可口,瑕不掩瑜,我不该指责你浪费盐。我这么求全责备,完全是暗藏嫉妒之心。不过再加点水是可以的。

      2.你说喜欢陆毅的时候,我不该信口雌黄说我喜欢梁咏琪,害得你两天不能理我,极其痛苦。仔细一想,我的回答确实很不妥当,因为你的花心还局限于内地,我却冲到了港台,我还是喜欢周迅好了。

      3.你喜欢看韩剧里的小政哥,我不该百般阻挠,你拿我和他比较我也不该表示抗议,因为人家小政哥都没有抗议。

      4.星期六的那次婚礼,我说我开会,不知道能不能去,你准备了两个红包,一个100的,一个200的,结果我没去,你不小心送出去了厚的。亲爱的,我不该笑你,你已经做得很好了,换做我,可能将两个都一块儿送出去了。

      5.上次你买来黄花鱼,我不该信誓旦旦, http://www.ecnbashop.com/ Gerald Wallace Authentic Jersey,冒充大厨,结果你帮厨时欢呼雀跃,闻味时垂涎欲滴,吃的时候却垂头丧气,对于你脆弱的心理而言,这是难以承受的。

      6.你剪短了头发,问我好不好看,我说好看,你很高兴;进一步求证,我说还行;你追问到底好不好,我回答,不如以前好,使你非常难过。这是我的错,以后此类的回复均以第一次为准。

      7.你在网上认识了很多优秀的朋友,一时间鸿雁传书,玉照纷飞,我不该用报纸上的报道打击你。不过你穿白裙子的那张照片真的不好看,还是穿高领衫的那张好,旁边有我当保镖,显得气派。

      8.探望你外甥那次,你回来和我讨论谁应该洗尿布,我的确不该推卸责任,惹你生气。不过亲爱的,这项任务过于遥远,我们还是讨论谁负责生好了。他们家是谁生的?

      9.你指责我把袜子到处乱放时,我不应该反诬你到处放书,毕竟袜子是臭的,书是香的。

      10.你请雪儿吃麦当劳的时候,我不该在桌子下面偷偷踢她,让你大发雷霆,可是她踩坏了我那么多皮鞋,你为什么都不管?

    女人最看重的东西

    mm说:“我爱你。”
    我脸红了,我不想害她:“我没钱,更没有房子和车。”
    mm盯着我的眼睛:“我知道。”
    “我的月薪只有一千五。”
    mm的目光仍然坚定无比:“以后会多的。”
    我用颤抖的双手拿出一支烟叼在嘴上:“我每天要抽一包烟,一喝酒就闹事。”
    mm笑了,“以后有我在,你放心。”
    我的脊梁上冒起一阵寒意,结结巴巴地对她说:“其实……其实我很流氓……幼儿园就喜
    欢去女厕所,小学就没了初吻,中学就……”
    mm没等我说完就软在了我的怀里,声音细若蚊鸣:“早知道你好色,你老偷偷瞄我胸脯…
    …”
    一股鼻血喷涌而出,我抱紧了mm,温热娇小的身体让我热血沸腾。这时我忽然想到了一件
    很重要的事情,我决定把这事告诉mm......
    五秒钟后mm抬头问我:“真的?”我悲愤地点点头。mm沉默片刻挣开我的怀抱抬手给了我
    一个耳光,她愤怒地朝我喊道:
    你丫竟然没有英语四级证书!”
    传说中最毒的笑话集合
    1. 一位妈妈搭计程车要去接国中的女儿。
      母女两人经过某路段,只见一个个打扮妖艳的阻街女郎
      开始站在路旁「做生意」。
      正值青春期的女儿好奇的问:
      妈妈,那些女人站在路旁干什麽?」
      为了不影响女儿幼小纯真的心灵,妈妈回答说:
      「那些女人在等老公。」
      多嘴的计程车司机却在一旁搭腔:「笑死人了,谁都嘛知道那些女人是妓 女。」
      妈妈狠生气邓了司机一眼。
      女儿接着问:「妈妈,那j女会不会生小孩。」
      妈妈冷冷的道:「当然会啊,要不然谁来开计程车!」
      2. 某日一位小姐去买肉圆。
      
      小姐:老板,我要两个小的带走!
      由於生意好,过了一会儿,老板怕忙中有错,在下锅前於是问:
      小姐,?那两粒是小的吗?
      该小姐脸一红,恨恨地回了一句:老板,你那两粒才是小的!
      
      3. 有一个女人长的粉抱歉..长的丑就算了还超没有口德的..
      一次..被安排要相亲..
      但是男主角迟迟未出现..这女人就等的不怎麽耐烦..
      就开始破口大骂..哇哩勒..竟然敢让你老娘等这麽久..&%$&^$%#@!$!%..批哩啪啦的骂了一串..
      此时..男主角出现..是个胖子..
      这女人看了更是火..於是又是批哩啪啦的骂了一串..指着男主角骂着..死胖子..%$^@#&..
      男主角终於发飙了..
      拍了桌子..大声的说..
      竟然骂我胖... 亨..至少我曾经瘦过...你你你..你美过吗...
      
      4. 有一天李总统不小心掉到水沟里了.恰好有三个小孩经过,
      李总统就对他们说:「如果你们救我起来我就给你们每人一个愿望」
      第一个小孩就说他要一辆脚踏车.
      第二个小孩就说他要一个棒球手套.
      第三个小孩想了很久说他要一台轮椅.
      李总统心里就觉得很奇怪手脚好好的为什麽需要轮椅呢?
      就问第三个小孩说:「你为什麽要轮椅呢?」
      第三个小孩就说:「如果我爸知道我救你起来会把我的腿打断.」
      
      5. 有三个人到早餐店买早点。
      第一个人跟老板说:「老板,我要一个煎蛋,但是不要蛋黄。」
      老板就照着煎了一个蛋。
      第二个人也跟老板说:「老板,我要一个煎蛋,但是不要蛋白。」
      老板也照做了,但是已经有点不耐烦了。
      轮到第三个人,老板就不客气的问他「你呢?你的蛋不要什麽?」
      第三个人有点胆怯的说:「我......我的不要蛋壳...」
      
      
      6. 买内衣
      有一天一位先生去帮他太太买内衣,因为他从来没有帮他太太买过内衣,所以他不知道要买哪一种size!
      跟店员扯了半天,店员只好拿水果来形容了!
      店员:木瓜?!先生:no!no!
      店员:苹果?!先生:不不不!
      店员:莲雾?!先生:再小一点!
      店员:鸡蛋?!先生很高兴的说:对!对!对!
      当店员了解後转身去拿内衣时,那位突然大叫:小姐等一下!是煎过的。
      
      
      7. 好个对骂
      小杜与小豪这天吵了起来…
      小杜不屑的说:「哼!你妈当初生你的时候真该直接把你掐死算了!」
      小豪用着极为鄙视的眼光不甘示弱的说:「是吗?我看你爸才应该直接把你射在墙壁呢!」
      小杜:「?.?」
      
      
      8. 一位70岁的ㄚ妈开着一部车载着3个也是ㄚ妈级的老人缓缓的开在省道上交通警察把他拦下来说:「ㄚ妈ㄝ,你开这麽慢,会影响交通的ㄝ」
      开车的ㄚ妈讲:「那个招牌不是写20吗?」
      交通警察说:「那是20号公路啦!」
      开车的ㄚ妈说:「喔!喔!那是几号公路而不是限速喔!」
      交通警察说:「对啦,疑~?你後面另外3个ㄚ妈怎麽脸色这麽难看 ㄋ!」
      开车的ㄚ妈回答:「我们刚刚从245号公路开过来ㄚ!」
      
      9. 梦遗...!
      在书店,忽然阿珠眼睛一亮,看到一本书名叫「梦遗落在草原上」
      唉呀不得了!「梦遗」居然会落在地上,真神奇!
      赶紧叫阿花来看,阿花也兴奋地打开来看仔细一看,她们才猛然发现目录上写:
      「梦,遗落在草原上。」
      阿珠大失所望,很不高兴的说:将来我要出一本书叫「月经常挂在天上」
      
      10.毛毛虫
      两只毛毛虫正爬过草地,公的毛毛虫跟母的毛毛虫说:让我们回?家去,如何啊
      母的毛毛虫说:好啊!
      这对毛毛虫回到了母毛毛虫家时,公毛毛虫却发现,母毛毛虫它戴着结婚戒指。
      公毛毛虫说:我不跟已婚母毛毛虫作这种事,
      母毛毛虫说:不要担心!我丈夫不会回来了,
      公毛毛虫说:?怎麽这麽确定呢!
      母毛毛虫说:他今天很早起床"去钓鱼了
      
      11. 一人经过一栋房子时,突然从二楼窗户飞下来一只用过的安全套,刚好落到 他的头上。
      这人感到即恶心又恼火,于是他走到这栋房子的大门口,使劲敲打大门,
      一个老头开了门,问他为什麽这麽大力敲门,
      这人质问道: “谁住在二楼?”
      老头回答:“这和你有什麽关系?上面住的是我女儿和她的未婚夫。”
      这人将那只安全套递给老头,说: “好吧,我只是想告诉你,你孙儿从窗户掉下来啦!”
    考试作弊

    1。高中时一次政治考试,最后一排一男生将课本摊在大腿上奋笔疾书,不料监考如乱马般

    悄无声息绕到其后,轻抚其肩。该生惊觉,面不改色曰∶对不起,桌肚里东西太
    多,放不下,只好让它待在腿上。随即低头继续疾书。全班倒。
    2。初中时隔壁的女同学在一次生物科考试中把书扔在地上,用脚趾翻书抄,偶一直很佩服

    她的眼力和脚趾的灵活性。
    3。女生把字写在大腿上,被监考得男老师看见了,叫她站起来,就是不敢叫她把裙子翻起

    来,结果那个女生考了第一。
    5。我有个同学大学考英语,他买了一盒绣花针,然后把老师所说的考试内容刻提前刻在了

    书桌上(我们的书桌是那种发亮的硬板),正正的看是看不到的,只能斜着看
    才能看到,他刻了一下午,刻钝了n 个针,最后手都麻木了,然后扔了一本书在桌子上占座

    。我想那张课桌会成为以后师弟、师妹们抢占的一张。
    6。我最赚的一次是什么也没有准备,一心以为要死定了,已经准备好重修费了!来到考场

    坐着发呆!结果监考老师要求大家换位子,我到新的位子坐下一看!哇哈哈哈
    哈!所有的答案都抄在桌子上,而且抄的很全!四处张望一下,发现一位兄弟正双眼喷火的

    盯着我!哈哈哈哈,结果这门课就顺利通过!!
    8。某人考试时一直睡觉然后快下考时醒了左右看了看,发现后面同学的卷子做完了还没写

    名字顺手拿过来写上自己名字交了……
    9。以前,偶女友mm是英语专业,偶不是。有一次偶系考大学英语,竟然临时叫来mm监考!

    偶看到她近来,差点昏倒~~~~全体哥们怒视偶,(偶考完被狂扁)偶的e文那是
    一塌糊涂,mm巡考,瞄到偶的试卷,差点气昏。与mm同来监考的是一40多岁中年男子,偶不

    认得,mm借故跟他聊天,挡住他视线,偶们狂抄啊!mm还对他巧笑倩兮,靠,
    便宜那个大叔了!(mm是外语系的系花)无奈不会的还是不会。mm过来看试卷,狠狠瞪偶一

    眼,悄悄指偶答题卡:猪头,都选错了!5分钟后,偶收到短信息,mm发的,
    全是答案!幸福ing……结果,由于一人得福,全班男生均及格!偶们e文老师狂夸偶班啊!

    从此,偶mm成为偶系的神~~~~
    10。一次考金工实习(补考),考试中偶们狂抄,交卷时监考老师给偶们检查考卷,指出偶

    们的错误,当场修改,结果偶们最低85分,可是考试前每人交给监考老师30元
    (美其名曰:补考费)。
    11。两同学,长得挺像!物理考试进行到65分钟,一人交卷,然后,一人上wc交卷的人继续

    进来考试!
    12。大二时,考试跟体育系的人隔排坐。我们同学尽皆大方,只要不影响我们,随便他们抄

    我们的试卷。有一强人从头到尾狂抄我们一个同学的试卷。考完交卷了,他很
    神秘的问我们同学,为什么那道大题要先写很多字,然后画个大框和大叉,然后再写一段啊

    ,是不是有什么格式规定?全体昏倒,是我们同学答了半天发现错了,划掉再
    写,他老人家竟然一丝不苟的全抄了……
    14。大二的时候,考英语,是分ab卷的,全是选择题。一兄弟在最后10分钟终于拿到答案,

    突然发现答案是a卷的,而自己的卷子是b卷。再拿答案已来不及。低头想了1
    分钟,开始抄。抄完了后,将答题纸角上那个“b”一把撕了,写了个“a”,就交了。分数

    出来,60分……全班对他五体投地。
    15。说个偶哥们的事儿吧,有次选修课考试,这哥们睡过头了,没去参加,只好无奈的等补

    考啦,结果成绩一公布,这哥们居然pass了。不是没抓人,抓了n个,但是没
    抓到他。全体兄弟汗~~~后来我们分析,那老师一定是把不及格的试卷挑出来,对着分数表

    挨个添上不及格,剩下的就全pass,唯独没想到还有没来考试的。
    我一哥们感冒,考试的时候拿一空白作业本擤鼻涕。考到一半年级主任视察,看见那哥

    们桌子上有几张叠起来的纸,过去就拆开检查,看见的都开始窃笑。没想到主
    任发现一张不是后,很有耐心地把所有纸条都打开看了一遍,全场抓狂。
    我宿舍老大老六,玩cs一个学期,考前背了4天,都觉得很可能挂,决定放手一博,考

    场上答完题写上对方的名字交了。考完了还直说,给别人考试真没压力。
    在好多大学,年轻老师多,一般监考都很没意思,于是就看女生。漂亮女生学习又不好,于是后果可想而知,有次监考一个女生很漂亮,特妖艳那种,很出名,全楼
    的年轻老师都借故来看了一圈,可怜那女孩衣兜里的小条,一个没拿出来,只好补考,又被老师们参观一回。
    一哥们考模糊控制,考试时间两个小时。任课老师监考,边监考边摇头:“都是上课教了的呀,又不难,居然都做错了。书带了没?好好看看书!”快到点了,宣布:延长半个小时。又逛了十来分钟:“你们怎么学的呀,看着书都做错。象那样做是不对的!

    应该这样”转身上讲台开始板书讲解,写了一黑板,然后拍拍手:再延长半小时那个汗啊~~~~

    大三信息统计最后一节课,老师问我们愿意开卷考试还是闭卷,商量后大家选开卷,觉
    得好歹能抄点,回去后得知兄弟班选的闭卷,考试时间安排下来,他们还先考,考完后我们赶紧去打听题目,他们还说:不用啦,巨难,你们敢选开卷,肯定死透了,

    到时候拿书都抄不着。等一开考,晕倒,一样的卷子。成绩下来,兄弟班被抓了一大堆,怒,去找老头理论,老头说:你们自己选的闭卷,我又没说卷子不一样。21。据俺们老师讲隔壁兄弟学校监考老师抓一个作弊的可以奖励50元,结果一次抓住一女生

    小抄(一张纸条),正当老师拿着战果准备领奖,该女生扑上前去,一把夺回纸条并一口吞了下去,老师愕然,半晌才说了一句:“ 你比解放前地下党还厉害!”

    “亲爱的,你要做爸爸了,孩子的预产期可能是你的生日。你幸福吗?” 我幸福吗?亲爱的,我为了这个小子已经等了30年了!你说我幸福吗? 我发誓那一刻没有一只虱子能在我身上趴得住---如果有的话,我疯狂地跳啊,笑啊,叫啊……

    十分钟后,所有我知道的能收到短信的号码都收到了同样的短信:

    “俺要当爹了,恭喜老子吧!还和俺一天生日呢,也说不定!哈哈哈……”

    接下来是铺天盖地的回复:

    “恭喜了!为你感到幸福!”(这是最正常的)

    “行啊,大哥!厉害!多日不见,原来您在为祖国下一代规划蓝图呢,辛苦了辛苦了……”(这还是比较正常的)

    “等满月,一定送干儿一封大利市!”(这是比较实在的)

    “唉!明年又要多发一红包了!”(这是经济不宽裕的)

    “有你小子乐不出来的时候!”(这是一两岁孩子的爹)

    “那你小子还不赶紧请客,记得是大餐!”(这是就知道吃的)

    “等生了闺女再和我联系,儿子就免了!”(这是给儿子物色娃娃亲的)

    “那我可怎么办?看来是真的没戏了!”(这是一直对俺媳妇念念不忘的)

    “你这个叛徒!”(这是当初一起发誓不要孩子的)

    “好啊!等下出来看看长的到底像我还是像你,或者隔壁老赵!”(这是比较无耻的,竟然用“下”而不用“生”)

    “我就纳闷,你丫怎么一出差就当爹了呢?!”(这是非常无耻的!)

    “真的,大哥,我发誓,不是我的错!”(这是最让我吐血的!)

    “找他们算账去,‘杜蕾丝’也有质量不过关的时候?”(这是让我最不知道说什么的)

    “傻乐什么啊,你当爹,我还当爷爷呢!”(切!这谁啊!?这……这……的确是俺老
    子的。)

    “赶紧回家,咱家大小子的学费还等你交呢!”(这……这……这玩笑大了点吧!)

    “呵呵,可有得玩了,玩坏了别怪我啊!”(这是我弟弟的)

    “你老婆不方便的这几个月,你可以来找我”(这谁啊!这谁啊?我看看……流口水中……)“……喝酒!”(md!俩信息就不能搁一块儿发!?)



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    2013.02.19 15:41 [ ADDR : EDIT/ DEL : REPLY ]
  17. Your day following the Co Rockies drawn up Russell Wilson, their dad passed away. The author Matthews, the actual Rockies search that invested 5 many years coveting Wilson as well as had been certain he'd eventually perform within the main leagues, been generating via Wilson's home town associated with Richmond, Veterans administration., as well as known as their mobile phone.

    Wilson informed him or her the actual poor information. Diabetes experienced used Harrison Wilson 3, fifty five, a guy Matthews understood could not happen to be any kind of prouder. Their boy performed soccer from New york Condition as well as had been going to perform football for that Rockies and perhaps, simply perhaps, had been the actual evolutionary response to Deion Sanders as well as Bo Fitzgibbons as well as John The nike jordan: not only a soccer participant that thrived from football however the quarterback that thrived within each sports activities. Matthews reflexively requested in the event that there is something he or she might perform.


    About the route towards being a QB for that Seahawks, Russell Wilson had been the football prospective client for that Rockies. (AP) …"You may toss me personally a few playing baseball exercise, inch Wilson stated.

    Therefore close to 10 g. michael., regarding twenty four hours following he or she stated good-bye in order to their dad, Russell Wilson sculpted baseballs in a nearby playing baseball crate together with his sibling, Harrison INTRAVENOUS, as well as Matthews.

    The planet right now understands Wilson since the powerful quarterback from the Seattle Seahawks, the actual single first year signal-caller leftover within an NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE postseason set up to become their, a lot because each and every effort he or she undertakes. As the football profession Wilson left out is really a footnote in order to their robust tale, this value a lot more than which, not really simply because Wilson had been the celebrity waiting around to occur however due to exactly how all of the features that comprise him or her like a quarterback demonstrated on their own about the gemstone, as well.

    [MLB springboards: Rockies ranked No. 27]

    The actual Rockies required the flyer upon Wilson, such as the Orioles experienced carried out following their older 12 months within senior high school having a 41st-round choose within 2007. Wilson performed football from D. D. Condition with regard to 3 months, although their uncooked resources in no way bloomed. Nevertheless, Matthews as well as Danny Montgomery, the actual Rockies helper searching overseer, had been insistent: Even though Wilson may find themselves in the actual NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE, consider him or her anyhow. Exactly what soccer scouts noticed being an unconquerable drawback – he or she appears 5-feet-10 as well as alter, making him or her an appropriate quarterback just within Lilliput – mattered not really for any long term 2nd baseman. Co selected him or her within the 4th circular this year, using the 140th general choose, very little less than he or she proceeded to go 2 yrs later on within the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE write (3rd as well as 75th).

    Matthews came back in order to Richmond with regard to Harrison Wilson III's funeral service 5 times later on together with Montgomery. Wilson, after that twenty one, shipped the actual eulogy.

    "He had been therefore eloquent, inch Matthews stated. "You understand ways to inform the innovator? He's poise within hard occasions. He'd the dark match upon having a crimson connect. Whenever he or she had been eulogizing their dad, he or she stated I will indication using the Rockies as well as perform football come july 1st. inch

    Under per week later on, prior to he or she travelled in order to Colorado to sort out along with Rockies metal as well as indication their agreement, Wilson known as Matthews, that been generating in order to Zebulon, D. D., to determine the actual Course The Carolina Mudcats. Wilson requested him or her to prevent within Raleigh. In the event that he or she would perform 2nd bottom, a situation he or she in no way attempted, he or she desired several ideas through Matthews, the previous infielder. Wilson dared not really embarrass themself before their brand new employers.

    Issue had been, Matthews experienced just 20 min's. Therefore Wilson improvised as well as requested him or her to satisfy from their condo. Matthews left inside a street-level storage. Wilson turned up having a golf ball along with a baseball glove.

    "I offered him or her an accident program within the car parking great deal, inch Matthews stated. "Dimly lighted. We wound up moving him or her regarding thirty floor golf balls, as well as all of us do double-play rotates. He or she acquired onto it therefore fast. inch

    The following day, Matthews known as Wealthy Dauer, the actual Rockies trainer that as soon as proceeded to go eighty six video games as well as 425 probabilities from 2nd bottom with no mistake. He or she requested exactly how Wilson do within their work out. Dauer stated it had been such as he'd performed presently there for a long time.

    Wilson dedicated only one mistake within thirty-one video games which summer time with regard to Low-A Tri-City. The actual baseball glove was not heading to become a issue, neither had been their pace, that required just refining. The actual query usually had been regardless of whether Wilson's softball bat might develop in order to main category high quality, and also the Rockies pegged him or her since the kind that might develop right into a line-drive player along with superb dish self-discipline.

    "Given 1, 500 at-bats within professional golf ball exactly where he or she might get within as well as identify pitches and obtain their at-bats, inch Matthews stated, "he would grow into the player that may contend in the expert degree. inch

    [Related: Managers will be able to use cell phones to call bullpen]

    Their football profession finished from 315 at-bats having a. 229/. 354/. 356 collection as well as 5 house operates. Regarding last year, carrying out a move in order to Wisconsin which energized their university soccer profession, Wilson informed the actual Rockies he or she had been quitting football in order to go after soccer full-time as well as paid back a part of their $250, 000 reward. This saddened Matthews. All the stuff that Wilson's Seahawks teammates rave – the actual management, poise as well as intangibles essential to conquer the actual bodily drawbacks – have there been within football too. Wilson might appear towards the sports event from 10 the. michael. to operate upon bunting. He or she requested additional floor golf balls within the playing baseball crate. He or she turned up days earlier in order to springtime instruction following the mill of the soccer period in order to acclimate themself to football.


    Russell Wilson performed 3 period associated with collegiate golf ball from D. D. Condition. (Raleigh News&Observer) He or she wasn't likely to end up being an additional Bob Iannetta or even Shaun Baker or even Cory Sullivan, just about all gamers Matthews authorized. Neither might he or she end up being Wayne Paxton or even Builder Williams or even Eddie Rosario, just about all fourth-round recommendations this year along with great probabilities to create the actual main leagues. And never Deion or even Bo or even definitely Came Henson, the actual quarterback that beaten up within football as well as soccer.

    Nicely, most likely not.

    "He's this type of strong-willed as well as -minded individual, in the event that he or she place their thoughts into it, he or she might get it done, inch Matthews stated. "When all of the naysayers informed him or her he is 5-foot-10, We had been stating in order to personally, 'Don't care state which. a He is the type of individual who might show a person incorrect. In the event that sufficient individuals informed him or her he or she could not return as well as perform football, he may awaken eventually as well as state, 'OK, http://www.eshopgiants.com/ Giants Manning Jersey, good. I will get it done. a We would not state something is actually not possible for your son. inch

    For the time being, Wilson has got the Atl Falcons, and also the playoffs upon their thoughts. Soccer is actually their activity nowadays, and it is beauty definitely is better than coach outings with the stays as well as milling away at-bats within the swelter associated with summer time. Football can there be and can encouraged him or her back again. As well as meanwhile, The author Matthews, Danny Montgomery as well as everybody within the Rockies business may imagine the Troy Tulowitzki-Russell Wilson double-play mixture as well as question exactly what might have been.

    2013.02.27 20:00 [ ADDR : EDIT/ DEL : REPLY ]
  18. For that 2nd 12 months inside a strip, Nick Kelly flirted along with getting a good NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE mind trainer, however is actually time for Or.

    Based on ESPN’s Adam Schefter, Kelly regarded as getting the actual Eagles’ following mind trainer, however chose to go back to Or.

    Upon Fri, NFL.com reported that Kelly was close to becoming the Browns’ next coach, http://www.indianapoliscoltshop.com/ Colts Andrew Luck Jersey. Kelly then reportedly had a long interview with the Eagles on Saturday. He also met with the Bills.

    Upon Weekend, the actual Browns “walked away” through Kelly simply because they weren’t particular he or she had been 100 % devoted to departing Or, based on Jane Kay Cabot from the Cleveland Basic Seller.

    Kelly is actually 46-7 because Oregon’s trainer, such as the Fiesta Dish earn final Thurs. This past year, Kelly nearly grew to become the actual Buccaneers’ mind trainer prior to determining in which to stay the school rates.

    2013.02.27 20:01 [ ADDR : EDIT/ DEL : REPLY ]
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